juicy bits

Elizabeth: broccoli rob

2010-06-09T15:01:00.000-04:00

2010-05-13T10:32:00.002-04:00

Biz is busy. You may be interrupting.

2010-05-07T16:23:00.001-04:00

Can you guess who my S is?

http://www.alysstephens.uab.edu/events/picks.php

nutty

2010-05-07T16:16:00.001-04:00

today's box office antics.

sasha is 16 weeks old.

2010-04-08T15:12:00.001-04:00

and there you go

arlo and arlo. no seriously. they are both arlo.

8 April 2010

2010-04-08T14:40:00.003-04:00

S has been talking a lot about how she has to go to the DMV for a new license.

"I don't want them to take my picture. I ought to just use Alro Guthrie's pic we look enough alike."

Her words.

2010-04-01T11:36:00.003-04:00

greetings from ticket office 2.0, coming to you live from birmingham, alabama.

i do a lot of data entry and clean up here. occasionally it offers up some pretty decent rewards.

here are today's:

schimmy and me

2010-03-27T12:06:00.003-04:00

3-18-10

2010-03-18T17:08:00.003-04:00

This morning I came in, and there was something funny going on with my computer. SOO I got to sit at the end next to S (like old times)
She's been particularly chatty, and boy have I gotten some juice...
Earlier a girl was at her window that had a strange voice quality, and after she left I said something about it. S went on about what she looked like, and justified the voice by saying there seemed to be a language barrier. Some of the things that were said:
-Well, she was Asian. And very pretty. You know, the tall kind that still has that Asian body.
-Mm, so long and lean.
-I want that body

Then it switched to something about a fish diet.

And this goes out to our very own NT:
as we speak S is surfing facebook, found your profile, and looked at your picture
"Damn I wanted to see her face"

12/31/08

2010-03-03T16:00:00.001-05:00

From: DG
Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:30 PM
Subject: potatoes make me happy!

BL: Spud made a big mess

DM: Eeeeeeewwwwww.

12/27/08

2010-03-03T15:55:00.001-05:00

trying to clean out my email. finding stuff like this all along the way.

knotty girl

2010-02-19T09:08:00.002-05:00

email from b:

I don't really know what just happened, or what the world is coming to by me saying this
but S put her hands on my shoulders and "located some massive knots"
and she gave me a massage

and it felt pretty nice

2009-12-11T15:59:00.002-05:00

R: my poop is too big to come out

2009-12-11T15:50:00.003-05:00

J ✆ to R show details 5:32 PM (21 hours ago)
http://autocompleteme.com/

R ✆ to me show details 5:52 PM (20 hours ago)
THIS IS GOLD

J ✆ to R show details 5:52 PM (20 hours ago)
THIS WAS OUR IDEA

R ✆ to me show details 5:55 PM (20 hours ago)
i know we could have been FAMOUS
here is another i just did,R.I.P. our idea.

(SEE: http://serious-juice.blogspot.com/2009/10/me-on-scale-of-1-10-how-retarded-do-you.html)

the face

2009-11-19T17:55:00.004-05:00

One morning I had to come in early for a photo shoot, where they wanted pictures of the staff looking "blown away" by the theatre. And then one of the pics went on the holiday brochure.

Needless to say, my face is NOT on the brochure

when yous got time to kill

2009-11-07T12:14:00.000-05:00

B: I was looking at celebrity costume pics (I know super lame)

booty drop.

2009-11-07T12:09:00.002-05:00

me: WATCHA DOING AT THE STATE
without S
are you at her desk
the big ol' cushion under yer tush

M: She just left
She took the cushion with her
She says that she's sick of people using and messing up the groove

from the last man standing

2009-11-06T22:13:00.000-05:00

Inbox
B to N, R, J
October 26 (12 days ago)

Right now S is on the work phone with one of her long personal calls, talking about a play about the invention of vibrators.
I can hear everything she's saying

She says at first doctors would have to do "hours long" pelvis massages to cure depression
But then electricity came along
and the procedure could be done in a matter of minutes

and she just said how they say cure instead of orgasm.

just letting you know what you're missing.

it's my first night officially as The Dog

2009-11-03T17:34:00.000-05:00

don't worry, this still happens

hot sauce

2009-10-17T17:54:00.002-04:00

B: she crazy

me: cray cray

B: I'll destroy her

we went back to our old apt and asked for the air mattress back...

2009-10-16T16:52:00.002-04:00

R: tried to go into a bar (with the mattress) to see friends, and they wouldnt let me in. b/c i was visibly smashed.
me: omg
R: i was gonna fight the lady at the door, then i opted not to.
that i remember
then, we went home.
hahaha
http://www.superpoop.com/061109/hangover.jpg

R: "FUCK THAT, IF YOU DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE I'LL EAT EM ALL. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME"

2009-10-07T18:04:00.001-04:00

me: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=titty%20bank&defid=4217371

Sent at 5:52 PM on Wednesday

R: 15 you killed jesus way

me: Schizophrenic
At 7 Years Old

'Barefoot Burglar'
Turns Into Legend

R: kills jesus, declared everlasting judaism

Facebook army turns Chinese into Spanish

me: Itty bitty piggies are latest pet craze

Teacher sentenced for hot-sauce soda

Ex-mayor admits to dressing in drag

Crowd wants bikini baristas gone

R: Double elimination on 'Dancing'

me: I had a secret office affair that ended badly

Ohio Salutes 1,725-Pound Pumpkin

R: Naked came the prowler, police say

Man recants deathbed confession

me: Will the Gas Mask Bra Save Lives?

Man Wins TV for Killing 83,000 Rats

R: Adan Flores-Delgado had $67K but was too cheap to pay cab fare for his $40 hooker, cops say

me: Return of the Burger (and Hot Dog) King

Woman Beaten for Karaoke Performance

Friendly Seal Pup Worries Officials

You cannot send messages over 2000 characters long

Sent at 5:59 PM on Wednesday

me: Boy Fakes Kidnapping to Hide Bad Grades

Sperm May Slow the Aging Process

R: Will airports screen for body signals?

me: Man Wakes Up With Penis Tattoo Surprise

Ghostface Killah's 'Ghostdini -- The Wizard of Poetry'

Penis Haiku Contest Gets Our Creative Juices Flowing

New Google Maps Site Shows Where People Are Doin' It

Twisted Trends -- Cats With Arrows in their Heads

R: Is Celery Worst
Food in America?

me: How to Praise Your Lady's Vagina

R: Barefoot Burglar Turns Into Local Legend

me: The Best Plus-Size Halloween Costumes

Candy May Turn Children Into Violent Adults

Sent at 6:03 PM on Wednesday

2009-10-07T17:09:00.003-04:00

me: on a scale of 1-10

how retarded do you think the kids will be?

R: some are totally retard

some not so bad

me: B: tell me tell me!!!

is the custodian retarded too?

R: well....he is a custodian.....

me: the first thing that comes up when you google retarded in the suggestions is....

"retarded policeman"

"retarded ejaculation"

"retarded in love"

R: mongoloid baby

me: "retards are funny"

"retards are strong"

"retards are us"

and the best

"i live with a retard retards are so stupid"

"why are michael jackson's kids white"

"why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria"

"why are there school"

"why are you interested in this job at boston market"

"can i get pregnant on my period"

"can i get a witness"

"can i get unemployment if i quit"

R: "asians doing christopher walken"

me: "christopher walken googly eyes"

"can people read minds"

"can people get fleas"

"can cats see ghosts"

"can cats eat dog food"

"can dogs get high"

R: "who cares about disabled people"

"who cares about michael jackson"

"who cares about old people"

me: "who cares if christ has risen"

Sent at 4:47 PM on Wednesday

me: "when will the recession end"

"how do women make love to women"

"how do animals survive in the desert"

R: "my mom is a fob"

"my mom is on facebook"

"my mom is pregnant"

"my mom is an alcoholic"

me: "my daddy ate my eyes"

"my girlfriend has no friends"

"dinosaurs aren't extinct they're just hiding"

"my grandma can do better than me"

R: http://www.collegeclassifieds.com/blog/?p=11

why does my eye twitch

why does my vag smell

why does my dog eat poop

why does my cat lick me

Sent at 4:53 PM on Wednesday

me: madonna is old

madonna is dead

madonna is an idiot

madonna is gross

madonna is a skank

madonna is scary

madonna is a muslim now

Sent at 4:54 PM on Wednesday

R: chinese people eat babies

chinese people are so funny this is the way they count their money

chinese people are aliens

me: are gay people born that way

are gay people allowed in the military

are gay people going to hell

are gay people attracted to themselves

are gay people normal

R: why do chinese people do nails

japanese people don't have souls

me: are girls supposed to shave down there

R: is my brother dumber than a hamster

me: are fat people warmer than skinny people

R: my poop is too big to come out

me: are fairies real

R: fat children took my life

homosexuals can't whistle

homosexuals can't swim they attract enemy radar

nerds are hot barbie

me: can fat people be anorexic

R: obese women hairstles

obese women giving birth

me: can ugly guys get girls

skinny girls don't eat salad

R: fat men in skirts

fat men in speedos

me: skinny girls vs fat girls

R: fat men from space

can fat people wear skinny jeans

can fat people skateboard

me: babies that look real

babies that don't crawl

babies that look old

R: dead animals in walls

dead animals need love too

me: babies that don't blink

mothers that kill their children

R: dead cats bouncing

dead cats in miami

Sent at 5:04 PM on Wednesday

me: mom can't see me

new mom can't cook

Sent at 5:05 PM on Wednesday

cough.

2009-10-01T17:47:00.001-04:00

R: im an asthma kid

2009-10-01T13:41:00.001-04:00

B: over the summer he made a few REALLY off comments

me: off....like,....gay?

B: haha

talking about squinty eyes

me: oh my god

oh so

off like RACIST

2009-09-29T21:16:00.002-04:00

2009-09-19T12:49:00.001-04:00

Z: i went to this weird party in fish town last night.
smoked with a 41 yr old black man named Dolphins.
me: whats fish town
his name was "dolphins?"
Z: i'm convinced i was actually in the ocean.

happy saturday!

2009-09-19T10:56:00.001-04:00

2009-09-17T19:57:00.001-04:00

12:03 PM me: hey try these granpa po's they're fucking delicious

12:08 PM M: i'm looking at them right now

2009-09-17T19:56:00.000-04:00

4:56 PM me: http://neatorama.cachefly.net/images/2009-01/electricity-vs-cat.jpg

adn http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday/science-fair.php

7 minutes

5:04 PM M: woah

whoa*

me: oh i know

5:05 PM M: let's get hiiiiiiiiigh

5:06 PM me: i hate my fucking braces

nine fifteen

2009-09-17T19:54:00.001-04:00

1:04 PM R: SOMEONES IN A GOOD MOOD

me: MAYBE SOMEONE GOT LAID

birthday boy

2009-09-17T19:52:00.000-04:00

M: I'm not going there

R told me she doesn't like me

7:04 PM
me: oh yeah

about that

2009-09-17T17:27:00.000-04:00

me: who does that? who poses for that picture?
"hey hon, im gonna get in the bathtub with my pink GUN. could you hand me the baby and the dog? then take a picture? i want to post it on facebook"
j: that dog is so weird.
that's what i mostly think when i see that picture.
the rest is whatever.

2009-09-17T17:24:00.000-04:00

me: shes really into nazis today
nazis. rape nazis. art nazis. merck nazis.
nazi nazi.
b: hahahaha
last week she was looking up stuff i should go see
me: and she was like "concentration camps!"
here, i found you this tourism guide
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Nazi-German_concentration_camps

2009-09-17T17:22:00.000-04:00

b: I was upstairs
and I drank my milky coffee really fast
and I almost pooped my pants
call me Gary

2009-09-17T17:21:00.003-04:00

b: count the giblets on the hiiiiwayy

state murderer

2009-09-17T17:19:00.002-04:00

j: he must really really really wanna work here

or kill all of us.

me: probs murder

mainframin'

2009-09-17T15:55:00.000-04:00

11:08 AM j: http://www.lhmmensministry.com/images/fishingheader.jpg

me: http://www.gloutdoorstore.com/fuzzybearmonkeypukespoon.aspx

11:09 AM j: http://barfblog.foodsafety.ksu.edu/uploads/image/Spoon%20is%20too%20big.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_-E_S0cp-1es/SWkIooPmsZI/AAAAAAAABSM/eR0g1NChCzA/s320/puke-plates.gif

11:10 AM http://www.bill-mcminn.com/humour/puke.JPG

me: http://www.picturesofengland.com/img/L/1063642.jpg

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/5/6384683_d1e6109789.jpg\

11:11 AM http://blog.syracuse.com/photos/825b02de79d89865f5d917ce060fa4e0.JPG

11:12 AM http://static.open.salon.com/files/widget_with_diploma_cropped1246653049.jpg

j: OMFG http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_h5E3KUf8R5g/SE68DG1bg9I/AAAAAAAAAfE/GM3vsDAcaHA/s400/baby%2Bkiwi.jpg

11:13 AM me: http://www.codeforsomething.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2007-3-23233923_7_.jpg

11:15 AM http://www.zimfamilycockers.com/Morgans2ndLitter-ThreePuppyPile-3DaysOld.jpg

j: http://www.geoffreedphoto.com/gallery_images/fun_recreation/loren_walrus_roll_01.jpg

11:16 AM http://media.photobucket.com/image/baby%20armadillo/corsiphoto/photos-part2/armadillo.jpg

http://www.paradisegardenspanama.com/ParadiseGardens/Animals_files/Limpet%20and%20baby%20Armadillo.jpg

11:17 AM me: http://www.maconmagic.com/images/fennec01_240.jpg

http://uweb.und.nodak.edu/~andrew.thole/baby_llama.jpg

11:18 AM http://img2.travelblog.org/Photos/29195/136045/t/960818-Me-with-baby-llama-0.jpg

11:19 AM j: http://www.blogcdn.com/www.lemondrop.com/media/2009/06/050712_babypandas-nationalgeographic.jpg

http://www.smoking-meat.com/image-files/baby-chicken-smoked-large.jpg

11:20 AM me: http://www.artshole.co.uk/arts/artists/Kelina%20Cowell/chicken2.jpg

http://media.photobucket.com/image/raw%20chicken/karinacifuentes/PY0401.jpg

11:21 AM http://5.media.tumblr.com/0b54i4Yxsplkmzdk7xBM1saJo1_500.jpg

11:22 AM http://alohamedia.net/otherweb/chicken-viking-hat.jpg

11:23 AM j: http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/12_01/hedgehogDM0412_468x301.jpg

11:28 AM me: http://cuteoverload.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/cute-kitten-sleeping-in-radiator.jpg?w=560&h=420

http://cuteoverload.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/cat_2.jpg?w=560&h=420

2009-09-17T15:51:00.001-04:00

j: Your search - "phone eating books" - did not match any documents.

god save the books

2009-09-17T15:49:00.001-04:00

me: what the fuck does she talk about

we pay our phone bills to keep the library open?

j: yes. phones, if not paid off by bribe,

will EAT all of the books

didnt you go to college?

me: apparently the wrong one

17 september 2009

2009-09-17T15:26:00.000-04:00

me: i want ice cream

R: ugh i was just thinking abt ice cream

even checked the freezer

just now

when you ain't getting frisked yous being frisky.

2009-09-01T14:31:00.002-04:00

R: S. is killin' me
she was cutting her leg hair before WITH SCISSORS
11 minutes
14:29 me: hahahahhaa

14:30 borderline amazing

2009-08-25T18:24:00.001-04:00

me: B: S: I gotfrisked at security at the aiport, I don't mind it actualy feels quite good
me: B: "like a gentle massage"

poop

2009-08-12T14:29:00.001-04:00

b: I just keep hearing him say poop

me: i dare u to ask gary if he has ever pooped his pants

10 bucks

7 minutes

5:52 PM me: ASK HIM WE ARE FRIENDS NOW

so gary, thanks for the cupcake....ever crap yr pants?

addiction

2009-07-09T15:10:00.001-04:00

me: im going to get off the internet on my day off.

cant do it

N: can't do it?

why would you want to

the internet is great!

like a toy!

facebook knows i'm a boy

2009-07-09T15:02:00.002-04:00

me: butt hole sells

C: SEX SELLS

me: http://images.google.com/images?q=dingdong%20dantes&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi

C: i will not look at that!

me: pokwang

http://images.google.com/images?q=pokwang&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e68/owl4ever/starmometer4/pokwang_guy.jpg

C: SO BORED

FACEBOOK knows your a boy

me: im so bored 2

h8 it

C: chopped liver

h8 u

me: w onion

god only knows

2009-07-09T14:56:00.000-04:00

me: stinky sammy

b: hhhaa

me: its the fish! zing!

b: tooth pick

me: the food court. and trinkets to fill my already-full house

b: hahah

fish food court

b: fish stank lip smack

nom nom nom

2009-07-09T14:52:00.003-04:00

me: it is getting grosser

b: clearly doesn't live around people

what happens when you listen to tommy j

2009-06-24T21:28:00.001-04:00

B: ahhh I'm so giddy right now
I wish i wasn't at work!
or else I had a flask

we're listening to Tom Jones

2009-06-24T14:44:00.004-04:00

R: her parents drive her to work. cute
"little a, today is the big day. you get to take the train!"
me: hahah
now don't forget your ticket
R: call when you get there!
me: you transfer at RAHWAY
R: there are scary black people there. and a prison! make sure the scary men arent wearing orange
me: haha
don't talk to anyone!
don't leave the platform!
just get on your train and don't make eye contact
R: hold yr mace up so they know u have it

n to b

2009-06-21T01:48:00.000-04:00

long conversations that last too long.

2009-06-21T01:45:00.000-04:00

B: jesus christ

she thinks spelling bee might save her from divorce

"you listen better than my daughters"

11:43 someone wrote "FML" on her daughter's car

2009-06-21T01:40:00.001-04:00

14:58 : YAY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLdQ3UhLoD4&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcuteoverload%2Ecom%2F&feature=player_embedded

7 minutes

15:06 j: fuck s

fuuuuuckkk

blach

15:08 me: is she chatting?

with her buddy?

j: YES

dirty jeans.

2009-06-21T01:34:00.002-04:00

R: I AM COVERED IN MUD AND EATING BEANS FROM A CAN

14:23 me: really?

R: nope

what do we talk about when we talk about love, really

2009-06-19T16:21:00.000-04:00

me: i lov ealmp

i love lamp

take a break, woman

2009-06-19T16:19:00.000-04:00

9:23 AM Cait: YOU BETTER NOT BE AWAKE THIS EARLY ON YR DAY OFF

2009-06-18T00:45:00.001-04:00

Mar 10

12:25 PM me: dhe is insane

she

permanent ladder???

2009-06-18T00:44:00.001-04:00

Mar 2

1:16 PM me: WTF WHERE ARE YOU

1:17 PM R: WTF IT IS SNOWING AND THERE IS LIKE A FOOT

me: yeah there sure is

but im here

R: i was going to come there, then don said we were CLOSED. then apparently it wasnt

me: fuck

yeah no

D G willed us open

1:19 PM R: i know! loser. im going to play monopoly then build a snowman

i bet you wish you were a snowman

me: god damn you

2009-06-18T00:30:00.001-04:00

Feb 26
B: I'm gonan curl up in a ball

2009-06-18T00:29:00.001-04:00

Feb 7

2:18 PM N: what websites do you think A looks at in her office?

2009-06-18T00:28:00.000-04:00

Feb 11
me: omg i know

7:17 PM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bp0Q3UJHrkU

7:18 PM N: HAHAHAHAHAHA

DO YOU THINK THAT IS REAL?

me: YES

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN NATALIE

N: THANK GOD FOR CRAZY CAT LADIES

7:19 PM yeah someone as cynical as me does not believe in miracles

me: but you gota believe in kittens

N: only kittens

2009-06-18T00:26:00.001-04:00

Jan 23

6:53 PM R: i'm the link queen today

2009-06-18T00:25:00.000-04:00

Jan 23

6:10 PM R: those are the kind of old people that should just die

already

6:14 PM me: you've never said anything thats made me happier inside.

2009-06-18T00:18:00.000-04:00

Jan 21
12:51 PM C: susan is sending emails

out of guilt

me: out of guilt?

12:54 PM C: i dont know!

it's what she said!

2009-06-18T00:17:00.001-04:00

show details Jan 21 2009

B: I guess I should drink too

6:21 PM I mean, it is a weeknight, after all

me: wine wednesday

09 08 2008

2009-06-18T00:07:00.000-04:00

10:44 PM

me: i went to rite aid

and i swear

everyone in the world (or at least new brunswick) has their period right now

subnormality

2009-06-11T12:56:00.000-04:00

R's new status message - overworked, undersexed

holidaze

2009-06-10T18:49:00.001-04:00

C: weeee

5:36 PM me: weee! im drunk at work!!!

pyro

2009-06-10T18:38:00.000-04:00

me: my sister had her (closet) gay friend over

C: ooo

me: and i shot fire crackers at him

when talking doesnt suffice...

2009-06-10T18:21:00.001-04:00

N: this guy has snots running down his face

me: ew i see it

addicted? probs...

2009-06-10T18:17:00.001-04:00

11:53 PM N: i've got to get my gchat in in the evening now that it's banned at work

run, puppy, run!

2009-06-10T18:13:00.003-04:00

l'enfer, c'est les autres

2009-06-10T18:12:00.000-04:00

N: i'll be happy

tomorrow i promise.

me: ha

i wont!

no jeans, no gchat.

2009-06-10T18:10:00.003-04:00

15:12 me: how come you never wear your leather jacket to work?

15:13 M: dress code

taken out of context......

2009-06-10T18:10:00.001-04:00

N: hahahahaha

how''s the old vagina?

me: its vagtastic

N: not old

young.

haha

grrrreaaat!

me: she totally fingered me. gross.

work the morning after balantines, singapore slings and spicy thai food

2009-06-10T18:06:00.001-04:00

13:00 b is hungover

what did you do to her?

2009-06-10T17:59:00.001-04:00

j: get your dumpling out of my fac me: RIGHT

CAN I EAT THIS

TELLL ME

KILL ME, KILL ME KILL ME.

diseasemail

2009-06-10T17:55:00.000-04:00

j: sounds like a practice in SMARTASS

i just got an email

FWD: Autism

I DONT WANT THAT

me: wtf? what does it say? NOW YOU HAVE AUTISM SUCKER

j: damnit damnit

shouldnt have opened that attachment...

YOU HAVE ONE NEW STD

TO DELETE THIS STD, PRESS 7

TO SAVE IT PRESS 9

did you find a not creepy room mate yet

this jar has a purpose.

2009-06-10T17:50:00.003-04:00

B:the office has been infested with flies the last few days

and i've been using your salsa jar to catch them

13:56 me: good now it serves 3 purposes thus far: a container for salsa, a cup, and a habitat for annoying flies.

let me know when you come up with another

B:ok

13:57C had pennies in it for a lil

but i dumped them in favor of flies

2009-06-10T17:49:00.001-04:00

bridge to babeville

2009-06-10T17:41:00.001-04:00

but yeah, i had a change of heart and voted for mccain

its just, sarah palins such a babe!

the time i asked the gyno for adderal

2009-06-10T17:36:00.000-04:00

j: so

what youre saying is

your vagina like

cant pay attention?

me: "my vagina has trouble completing tasks"

j: hahaha

me: my vagina has trouble paying attention in class

my parents are frustrated with it.

pretty juicy.

2009-06-09T08:05:00.002-04:00

B: hey!

14:37 me: how goes it girl

14:38 B: eh ok

S is really on my nerves today

won't shut up!

I kinda wanna punch her

did R tell you how A was possessed by the devil the other night?

14:39 me: no.

what happened?

tell me. tell me!

B: haha

14:40 apparently in her sleep she was yelling and speaking some nonsense language and eyes rolled back in her head and foaming at mouth

and her boyfriend couldn't wake her up

and in the process she threw out her back or something

me: omg

if only we were all this lucky.

2009-06-09T07:58:00.002-04:00

16:36 B: hi

guess what

16:37I was in S's car

she gave me a ride home on Friday

me: hahahaha

B: it was exactly how I imagined it

me: tell me, tell me, pleasssse

B: haha

she has like 7 pillows

and the chiropractic beads

16:38 and her seat is all weird and high

me: on her seat?

B: haha yeah

and the car was jerking for some reason

and she was just mumbling to herself

and flying through potholes

dance recital aisle 9

2009-06-06T11:59:00.001-04:00

me: oh my god that woman's calves are larger than my thighs

March 9, 2009

2009-05-31T19:23:00.004-04:00

10:56 AM me: dora the internet explorer
11:01 AM R: dora the firefox
11:02 AM me: she sure is a fox

March 24, 2009

2009-05-31T19:20:00.001-04:00

12:40 PM N: i ate a piece of duck yesterday as a dare!

April 15, 2009

2009-05-31T19:18:00.001-04:00

5:28 PM N: i quit smoking pot today

5:30 PM me: that's too bad i was going to ask you to smoke this pound of dank weed i just got after work

April 16, 2009

2009-05-31T19:16:00.000-04:00

18 minutes

12:29 PM N: S is taking forever to eat her fucking sandwich

me: light a candle

N: it smells like a fucking wharfside in here

me: hahaha

you're lost at sea

what are we gonna do?

12:30 PM N: puke

April 17, 2009

2009-05-31T19:15:00.000-04:00

R: YUP. why would you buy a fake baby with a rash on its face

3:22 PM me: good question

maybe they are cheaper

discount babies

defective

R: woah. i wonder if people order babies with deformities

3:23 PM me: "hi i'll take take the clef lip baby and um

3:24 PM also the parasitic twin baby"

R: make my baby only have one arm pls

me: "yeah i dont care what you do with the arm.

attach it to some other baby.

you can charge more"

April 25, 2009

2009-05-31T19:10:00.002-04:00

12:25 PM me: we, b j and r

here at the box office

determined that eating kangaroo means youre probablynot a vegetarian anymore

but b said, "go big or go home"

12:33 PM N: i loved the elaine picture

me: shes a dream

N: i also can't get enough of you, b or r because even though i'm not working i'm chatting it up with all of you

me: well we're dreamy too

come hang out

bring us beer

12:36 PM robin says

if you dont

shes gonna egg your house

tonight

i would do it but i dont know where you live

N: im readddddddddding

or trying to

25 more pages

me: "well we're thirsty"-robin

12:37 PM N: haha

i'll bring you guys a growler if you pay for it.

i'm poor

12:38 PM me: "tell her i wont egg her house if she pays me" -robin

May 9, 2009

2009-05-31T19:09:00.002-04:00

me: what are you doing tonight?

6:47 PM B: i think I'm gonna burn a lot of stuff in my room

me: like

start a fire?

creep

6:48 PM MAKE SURE YOU HAVE PROPER VENTILATION

B: yeah

I'll do it out back

sorry

burning things from my room

out back

make some space

6:49 PM me: OH

i was joking..

i assumed you were talking about cds

wow

haha

B: haha

nope

May 16, 2009 - Gala

2009-05-31T19:06:00.004-04:00

2:29 PM me: ARE YOU WEARING A PRETTY DRESS

R: SORTA. IM WEARING N's CLOTHES

2:30 PM over the clothes i wore yesterday

me: haha

hahah!!!!!

yeah i dont own anything nice enough to wear o the gala either

and if i did the patrons would all ask why there was a boy in drag in the ticket office

R: ha ha ha ha

2:31 PM i would probably DIE if someone said that

"who dressed up the little boy?"

me: "get that boy some slacks," etc

R: slacks

who the hell calls them slacks anymore

2:33 PM me: i dont know

corpses

you know we've seen a few

2:34 PM R: omg i googled "pleated pants" and this image shows up

http://img80.imageshack.us/img80/904/thighs7bj.jpg

me: "pleated thighs"

2:35 PM that's funny i googled "morbidly obese" and got this

http://blogs.theage.com.au/suitsyou/Pleated%20Pants.JPG

R: shut up

me: i think my package came so

i might ride down there and get it

2:36 PM plus i wanna see A in a poodle skirt

and S with red lipstick

R: she isnt here

SIIIIGGGGGGGH

me: bummer

May 15, 2009

2009-05-31T19:02:00.002-04:00

9:26 AM R: this woman is wasted

9:27 AM me: no i know her

she isnt wasted

she's special

9:28 AM R: are you sure? she kind of smelled.

maybe she is special and a drunk

2009-05-30T23:24:00.001-04:00

2009-05-30T13:52:00.001-04:00

I combed the archives

2009-05-23T12:25:00.003-04:00

R: [18:22:58] Visitor: My first time in chat room

N: i am drinking whiskey to cure my hangover

N: we will soon be swimming in cranes

N: all i wanna do poke smot

me: i dont want turkey in my burger
j: i dont want a holocaust burger
me: i don't want hotdogs inmy burger
j: i dont want ronald reagan in my burger
i dont want democracy in my burger, either
me: i want socialism in my burger
j: i dont want susan in my burger
me: i want hard cider in my burger
j: i dont want moby dick my burger
j: OMG DID U MO IN MY BURGER
I DONT WANT MO IN MY BURGER
i dont want seat o 107 in my burger
i dont want a transaction fee in my burger
i dont want a final sale in my burger

2009-05-23T12:20:00.001-04:00

B: his wife is kinda busted

huh?

2009-05-22T17:25:00.002-04:00

Natalie: Purchase a large supply of toilet paper and TucksÂ® brand witch hazel wipes. If you share your bathroom with others, agree on a unque emergency code phrase like “It’s coming,” “Dr. Livingston, I presume,” or “Elvis is leaving the building” to alert other members of your household that you need them to vacate the bathroom quickly; also, consider purchasing a supply of adult diapers.

2009-05-22T17:22:00.001-04:00

juicy bits

Elizabeth: broccoli rob

nutty

8 April 2010

schimmy and me

3-18-10

12/31/08

12/27/08

knotty girl

R: my poop is too big to come out

the face

when yous got time to kill

booty drop.

from the last man standing

it's my first night officially as The Dog

hot sauce

we went back to our old apt and asked for the air mattress back...

R: "FUCK THAT, IF YOU DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE I'LL EAT EM ALL. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME"

cough.

tweet

happy saturday!

nine fifteen

birthday boy

state murderer

mainframin'

god save the books

17 september 2009

when you ain't getting frisked yous being frisky.

poop

addiction

facebook knows i'm a boy

god only knows

nom nom nom

what happens when you listen to tommy j

we're listening to Tom Jones

n to b

long conversations that last too long.

dirty jeans.

what do we talk about when we talk about love, really

take a break, woman

09 08 2008

subnormality

holidaze

pyro

when talking doesnt suffice...

addicted? probs...

run, puppy, run!

l'enfer, c'est les autres

no jeans, no gchat.

taken out of context......

work the morning after balantines, singapore slings and spicy thai food

diseasemail

this jar has a purpose.

bridge to babeville

the time i asked the gyno for adderal

pretty juicy.

if only we were all this lucky.

dance recital aisle 9

March 9, 2009

March 24, 2009

April 15, 2009

April 16, 2009

April 17, 2009

April 25, 2009

May 9, 2009

May 16, 2009 - Gala

May 15, 2009

I combed the archives

huh?